I Live in Paris
Saturday August 23rd, 2008
Montmatre, Paris
I have FIFTEEN songs on my Ipod that have "Paris" in the title.
How do you say goodbye to Paris? Leaving Paris is in many ways like being told you have 48 hours to live. First there is denial, then there is anger, then you buy a bunch of stupid Eiffel tower key chains for friends, and then finally acceptance.
Helen, Au Grain de Folie, Paris
My last day here I did my favorite things. I went for tea at the Vegan restaurant I've been going to for the last while, I bought a Croque Monsieur, a Crème Brule, had a Cafe O lait, duck with raspberry sauce, a 2006 bottle of French Bordeaux wine and I sat on an outdoor patio and watched all the sexy sexy ladies pass by on their way to put on perfume or practice kissing or whatever it is that make the French so damn sexy. There aren’t many super hot French women left to be perfectly honest. I think they should be put on the endangered species list because I saw only a handful. But like any beautiful endangered animal when you get a glimpse of them in their natural habitat it makes you tilt your head back towards the heavens and wish to god they would lower their standards for once and nibble on your ear for half an hour.
Montmatre, Paris
An interesting fact, the whole Parisian women being the most beautiful in the world thing came about after World War II when all the equally sexy French men were blown up and waiting to be reanimated in a Joe Fuda directed French Sci-Fi Zombie thriller, “Le Corpse dans le boulevard”. If you came to Paris after the war, the women outnumbered the men something like 10-1. So the women were essentially super slutty because if they wanted a family they had to tackle men in order to keep them for themselves. This is not to say that the women here are not hot or slutty, but if you want to score with any of them you should go to Paris in the late 1940s - 50s to have any chance because the French men have returned (in the normal natural way).
I could get few people to feel sympathy for me leaving because it seems that even the Parisians will swoon if you mention the word "Italy" to them. I've never been to Italy - so I am really excited. But I do know for a fact that very few Italians speak French as first language in Italy so let me indulge in my sadness for just a minute if you please.
When one travels and is touched by a certain place they often wish they could take the place with them. People buy dumb t-shirts, snow globes, or countless other useless nic nacks in a futile attempt to encompass an entire experience in one symbol. If I can give anyone any advice who is trying to bring Paris with them, forget the tacky garbage or postcards or t-shirts. Allow the experience to make you grow as a person, soak up every piece of the culture possible and bring Paris back inside of you.
Graveyard Headstone, St. Vincents, Paris
And by this I mean eat. Eat as much as you can. If you want Paris inside of you eat while you sleep because the pastry doesn't get any better than this. Even in heaven they order takeout from France. You want to grow as a person, add 5 pounds of Crème Brule to your flabby ass - at least you can claim to be 5% Parisian even if it's only on the molecular level.
Friday August 22nd, 2008
Le Museum National D'Histoire Naturelle, Paris
The Dodo is extinct? Oh no! Well, what do we at LEAST know what it tasted like? NOT CHICKEN? Nooooooooooo.
Went to the Museum National D'Histoire Naturelle / Grande Galerie De L'evolution. I have always loved old museums full of stuffed animals ever since seeing one in Le Jete. This is one of the most beautiful museums I have ever been to. It's an open concept, 18th century museum (not sure on the date) with long wooden columns and skylights. It is a great mix of new and old, with wooden cabinets along with those boring glass ones that most museums have.
I brought along a package of M&Ms that quickly became as endangered as the animals I was looking at. I thought of that line while in the museum and was hoping I would remember it when I sat down in front of my computer.
Kids, Museum National D'Histoire Naturelle, Paris
Whoever designed the layout had a wonderful sense of humor because you have to kind of go single file past the herd of animals in the middle which of course looks just like a herd to anyone looking down from any of the other floors.
Some of the animals are Taxidermy, others are made of plaster. Some are magic that come to life if you have that pendent you stole from your grandmother’s garden - but I didn't see any of those today.
The Dodo, Le Museum National D'Histoire Naturelle, Paris
Like most zoos or animal museums I've seen in Europe there is a large portion of information dedicated to the destruction of animal habitats by humans. In this particular museum they were in lovely antique wooden cabinets with beautifully carved ivory handles with a tortoise shell finish.
The Rage of Joe, Museum National D'Histoire Naturelle, Paris
It's been raining the last couple of days in Paris. If you listen closely you can hear every single Parisian simultaneously complaining about how global warming is affecting the typical Parisian summer. Usually they do it with a cigarette dangling from their mouths which they flick into the sewer before zipping away on their motorcycles.
And just because, I wanted to share my Friend's idea for a movie based in Villa in Southern Italy. " My instinctual idea is that an Italian platoon which does not want to fight in the war, has to assume the role of the family which was forced out the house - ‘The Labanza’s’. Each platoon member is forced to assume the role of a member of the household – The mom, dad, son, daughter, cleaning lady, pool boy..." GENIUS is what I say! Well done Greg!
Thursday August 21st, 2008
Yi, Palais de Tokyo, Paris
Darth Vader Helmets on sticks? How many? No, this is Paris if you want to call it art there must be HUNDREDS of them!
Hey everyone, GUESS who went to the Palais Tokyo? Guess who told the old man at the ticket counter he was 19 and got in for free? Guess who recorded a video of him dancing in the bathroom of the SAME museum? Guess who is writing this on a busy Thursday night in Paris in his apartment alone with Ben Folds blasting in the background? Guess who likes to use rhetorical questions as a fallback literary device? Have you guessed it? Huh? Huh?
Napoleon 2000, Palais de Tokyo, Paris
I walked across Paris today - and I mean I walked from one bloody edge of the city to another. My Converse are officially dead. I will wake tomorrow to bury them fancy French Style in a large crypt and then pour a bottle of wine on the curb for them American style. Why did Joe walk across Paris? Well clearly his work schedule is just RAMMED. People are calling me up day and night from smoky Jazz clubs and saying "Hey Joe, you know that new sound you've been looking for. Well LISTEN TO THIS!". Then I listen to some kid play fast guitar and then I rip it off and say it was mine.
Paris is pretty dead during the month of August because under French Law full timers get 5 weeks vacation and they usually use them up in one go. Working in August here is pretty tough, but obviously worth it because it's Paris.
Anyway, walking along the river in Paris is kind of like walking around Bramalea City Centre in Canada. You wonder how you ended up here of all places and you wonder when your mom is going to come pick you up so you can go to Value Village before it closes. In my opinion, walking along the river is a good way to see government buildings but the bus here is the very best way of seeing Paris.
Art, Palais de Tokyo, Paris
The Palais Tokyo is a one floor contemporary art museum. There are 5 main rooms, one with a piece of art that slings beer bottles at a wall at a very fast speed inside a batting cage, one with a bunch of misc crap in it and "Back to the Future" playing on a TV in the corner, another room literally full of garbage, and then one with an upside down elephant doing a headstand on his trunk. The fifth room is inside your heart and the laughter of little children. I made that last one up.
The bookshop there was worth more to me than any Vader head on a stick. Most art magazines from around the world are sold here. Sadly all I could do was look through them for hours on end because I don't feel like dragging them along with all my camera equipment up down the large mountain I now live on.
Cute Subway Girl, Metro, Paris
The women in my photos are strangers - I have no idea who they are or what they do. I am too quite too often here because of the language barrier and I have become very bold in asking people to pose for me. I've tried asking men, but then I just end up making out with them for hours on end while we watch "Roman Holiday" on the couch. I made that last one up.
It's starting to rain a lot here Irish styles. It's not really as romantic as one might think even with all the pretty buildings. I can't think of a fitting way of ending this thought and this blog is pretty stream of consciousness anyway, so just imagine I made some sort of Flash application where your screen melts away into the taskbar after reading this line.
Wednesday August 20th, 2008
Joe, Yi, Palais de Tokyo, Paris
"The penis is evil, the gun is good. Go forth and kill [big head barfs out guns and bullets]" - An actual quote from the movie Zardoz
Greetings ones of the orion belt Omega. It is I, Shalankar. Take your glowing rods or Odelon and dictate this. Twenty intrepids of the forlacio troops are coming down from trapani 6 and need one of you to show them where the lockers are. Glowing force martrys, you will show them around. Forendi forces are 20 light-years from a space jump, so you will all need to bring your swim shorts to class tomorrow.
ZAP! XAP! CRAAALLA! Ziggo ziggo zallla zalla shra shra. TuKi2 Tuki3 FFT FTT chm chm. [sounds of light hitting air]
Garbage in a museum Photoshopped into art, Palais de Tokyo, Paris
Clearly I didn't really take any photos or do anything much today, but I didn't want to leave this entry blank. The photo is from Thursday, even though this is written on Wednesday and being read on a Friday. Twenty years from now you will wonder what this all meant. No mom, I'm not on drugs but it is very late and I am very tired.
Incidentally the movie Zardoz is available for purchase and features a young Shaun Connery in a diaper fighting the haunting memories of him having worked in a book store and a bunch of mind reading naked redheads. That is probably the best plot summery you’re going to get out of that movie. A lot of drugs are needed to get through that one. JOSEPH OUT!
Mon/Tues August 18th -19th, 2008
"I love the Rain, it washes away the memories on the sidewalk of life" - Woody Allen before he falls into a pile of garbage"
Another two in one blog! Sometimes I don't take photos every day. The photo above is of a sexy couple whom own a vintage store near my apartment. The last couple of days I have been doing video work so I have little to show in way of photos. There are photos here that may have been taken in the last few days - or maybe not. The film I have been shooting is for this really stupid short starring the cigar chomping jerk below.
Bastardo (in badly need of haircut), Paris
I hate cigars. I hate the smell of them, I hate the taste of them, and I really hate that I thought that putting it out on my tongue for a sequence of my film would be a good idea. Note - cigars taste like a kiss from a Bingo Hall waitress. This short film - like all my short films is in the editing stages and awaiting some sweet sound editing.
On Monday I went to see a Richard Avedon exhibit. I can't really tell you how it was because Museums are closed on Mondays. I found this out when I got there. So I killed some time before I went to see a movie. I killed 8 HOURS, sitting on the grass, listening to music and looking at people. In the morning I ran up and down the steps of Montmartre for over an hour for exercise so my ass and my feet were not complaining about lying around.
Bastardo, Paris
The movie I went to go see was one of my favorite French films, "Breathless" by Jean-Luc Goddard. It takes place in Paris in the 60s and involves an outlaw and his American girlfriend. To be perfectly honest, I went to see the movie thinking it was a DIFFERENT Goddard film not knowing what the original French title of the film was. I was very happy to see it in a theatre regardless. The chemistry between the two leads is crazy addictive and Paris in the 60s looks pretty much exactly the same minus the cool old cars and dames in Christian Dior dresses.
American Katherine, Paris
On Monday I convinced a new American friend Kat to come see a Woody Allen film with me, "Play it Again Sam". She speaks fluent French and evidently doesn't mind showing a complete stranger some really cool parts of the city. I am a HUGE Woody Allen fan but have never even heard of this Woody Allen film. Seeing it in a theatre was such a treat because the French crowd were killing themselves laughing. The film still seemed fresh and had relevant humor; it's over 30 years old! The idea that Woody Allen was something of a sex symbol for two generations will always amaze me. The fact that he remains quite popular after marrying his daughter not only amazes me but makes me wonder about the amount of respect that he holds in Hollywood to be able to pull it off.
Notre Dame, Paris
Nice Bridge Eh?, Paris
Sunday August 17th, 2008
Welcome to the World of Dorkcraft. The short form is WOD.
In the room that Ed's family put me up in this weekend were a number of interesting things. First of all there was a lovely wicker chair, a very comfortable bed, a decorative violin, and oh yah A 17th century Dragoon helmet and sword from Napoleon's Army!!! Ed's father collects all sorts of interesting things. The house is full of dolls, puppets and works of art that all come to life at night after a few bottles of wine.
My Friend Ed, Picardi, France
This morning, I decided I wanted to make a lasting impression on the normal and stable family that had let me into their realm. As you can see from the photos, I did a short photo shoot with Ed and his father. The huge dork in me was very excited to learn the helmet was a Dragoon Helmet because the book I had JUST read had large sections about the Dragoon regiment in Napoleon's army. Also, he had a kick ass sword. Did I mention the sword? I love Sword's and Castles for anyone who hadn't heard that I am an incredibly huge nerd. Or maybe it's a dork - I think nerd's are smart.
Ed's Father (who looks like the dad from Wonder Years in this Photo), Picardi, France
This weekend had me return to my days of childhood. I played video games with Ed and his family, and I ate a lot of food. JUST like the portly little child I used to be.
Little else of note happened today. I went to my Vegan restaurant and some crazy old bat kept talking to me in a THICK southern French accent which I couldn't understand a word of. What I did understand is that she is capable of reading people like a book, once read a book, and used the word book in French number of times. I mentioned nothing of the sword or my castle back in Ireland to her.
Filler photo, Paris, France
Looking back on today's blog this is truly a defining blog moment. Today was the day I went from a charming Canadian Traveler, to full blown computer nerd dork nerd. I think I can feel my virginity growing back.