Monday December 1st, 2008
Dwight Kurt Schrute from The Office (Rainn Wilson) From Rock N Roll Hotel June 2008.
Come fly with Joe on my Magic Floor of Dreams!
For those of you who think my life consists of all night orgies and then I have all day group orgy showers (for all the orgy sweat) well I am afraid that is only HALF the truth. I had to do some construction work on the floor of my studio. For those of you who haven’t heard “the floor story” – let me entertain you with a little story most of my friends have been polite enough to sit through.
Trophies from some Legion
I really think at this moment in time that most of my friends are talking amongst one another saying things like “Have you talked to Joe?” “No, he keeps going on about some stupid floor – so I am gonna wait till Sunday to call him so then maybe he won’t talk about it. Actually, on second thought – he was really into that floor – better give it a few weeks and make it a merry Christmas…”
Geordie Dynes - The Mark Inside
THE FLOOR by Joseph Fuda
David and I wanted a hard wood floor instead of the water stained, piss kitty pile of garbage that was the carpet in that room. My landlord preferred the piss kitty carpet because and I quote “if there is a flood you can simply clean a carpet whereas a hardwood floor would need to be replaced”. I thought about that one for a while and thought “Wouldn’t a carpet need to be replaced if there was a flood because of mold? Wait – what do you mean if my apartment Floods?!!!” So the rational and ONLY thing David and I could do was install a hardwood floor on top of the carpet.
Lake Ontario
DISCLAIMER: If anyone who builds houses or knows how to do anything with a hammer, please stop reading this – you will get really angry. The job required two interlocking levels of plywood interlocked with wood glue, screws. Basically we created a raft that would float on top of a carpet and act as a floor. If you take a voyage into our studio you can be amazed at how well she handles towards the evening sun! Our floor is the weirdest floor I have EVER stepped on. It is like a trampoline because of the layer of rubber, carpet and then wood. The floor actually BENDS when you jump on it. Now recall we are in a basement – so that isn’t dangerous, that is just super cool fun.
Piper
To make a longer story longer – the floor needed to be coated. Plywood is rough and needs a LOT of coating to be smooth. Five coats was the number. Two coats done in August, and three more done in November with the windows open and the smell of urethane choking me and the wind freezing me to death. Why were all the floor coats not all done in August you ask? – that is a deep dark story I am yet to learn… Anyway, The studio has been pretty much off limits until this floor was done. Between me moving to Europe and David’s cross country bicycle ride to Niagara Falls Ontario, the fucking floor took us like 6 months to complete! In that time great empires have come and gone and we have lost Paul Newman and a little movie called “Batman Reloaded” roared up the charts in Toronto’s wettest summer to date. (Wet meaning it rained) It is over now. I will move on.
Katie Crown - Laugh Sabbath
In other real news; I went to see “Laugh Sabbath” one of the best variety comedy shows in Toronto. To be honest, I haven’t BEEN to many comedy clubs because usually I am on par with all the latest Sara Palin and Viagra jokes through e-mails from my mother so I didn’t need to go to comedy clubs. If you want very subversive, intelligent humor where a roomful of people laugh seldom because the laughs must be EARNED, check this show out. These comics have been working on this show for about 2 years and from what I judged last Sunday - this hotbed of Toronto comedy has finally come into its own.
Maylee Todd @ Rock Lottery
One of my favorite bits was by an amazing comedian Katie Crown where she talked about how she went through the day using her left hand instead of her preferred right. The audience sat waiting for a very long time in anticipation of how she would phrase the tried and true female comic joke; “I masturbated with my left hand today…”. In the end, after listing an endless array of mundane items she said as an aside “oh and one think I would never do is masturbate with my left hand because that would not be satisfying”
Kevin Drew of Broken Social Scene
If you appreciate comedy like I do, and appreciate people who WORK for your laughs rather than expect them – then check out these dudes. Just – don’t check them out too much because you can still sometimes find a seat when the place isn’t packed on a SUNDAY afternoon. (they just hired me for a sweet gig where I shoot them all, and it is going to be a LOT of fun and a LOT of work that will probably take me most of December – so this is why I am the corporate “Go see this show” whore.) That and I am really thrilled and honored to be working with these guys and gals.
Broken Social Scene @ the Sound Academy
I love comedians; the best ones make life seem as socially awkward as a crying baby in a library? (Can you imagine that simile as a visual image? Baby? Crying? Library? Who is going to tell that thing to shush up? No one!) This leads me to my next brain dropping (I miss you George Carlin, my miserable old guru who I never had a chance to meet); Face book will rule us. I now have PROOF.
Broken Social Scene Balloon Drop
Last week I talked about face book and how they control our lives. I will say nothing further on this subject except that they sent me a very subtle and very nice “Cease and desist” regarding my last blog posting. Just so you who all know already know – my blog isn’t ON face book! They were monitoring my face book status name and within 1 min of me posting my blog and changing my status they had already sent me a message. What does that MEAN? Well Mr./Mrs. Stupidity Mc Stupid – that MEANS that face book actively monitors your face book status with such amazing efficiency that they have analyzed it and fed it some algorithm that spits out a message to me in less than a minute. That is some fast reaction time for my FACEBOOK status! Who cares? Why do they care?! What does that have to do with my aunt’s photos of her kittens in the snow?! I will talk no further about this. But in 200 years; when everyone’s music collection can now be condensed into so small a package that everything can now be found in one single song (I am going for “Two out of Three Ain’t bad” by Meatloaf – that song can move mountains), and when the world has no atmosphere but plenty of incense candles, and face book is no longer a social network but a computer with a red light as a face who controls the last remaining humans on an orbiting spaceship – THEN I can say, “I told you so”.
The Superstitions
Yup, this blog was a whole lot of nothing. I did some fun things this week. I saw a great band, “The Superstitions” at the Dakota. I photographed “The Mark Inside” at their rehearsal space in an ongoing series of me shooting that band rehearsing – I am also doing some video about it. I photographed the Broken Social Scene show at Sound Academy for Arts and Crafts and for Chart Magazine. Also, a band called “Sports the band” at Sneaky Dees. 
Isaac Brock from Modest Mouse playing with Broken Social Scene
As a closing thought - I ran into my dear talented friend Maylee who said, “Joe Fuda. I think a lot of people are down on you – but then steal your ideas. I am starting to think you are not a jerk, but maybe just a really nervous and neurotic guy. I mean, you take really fucking great photos man!” This from my close and dear friend. I thought everyone KNEW this about me. Maylee is one of my BEST friends and she just figured it out that I am a neurotic mess. (but apparently also secretly thought I was kind of a jerk – which is sexy) I think that because people assume that if I run a successful business and still manage to do my art and my hobbies then I must be a douche. Well NEWS FLASH – I am a douche. I am neurotic. I am good at what I do. I am also a really nice person, and don’t use and fuck people over for my own personal gain. Do you want to TRY and be a successful artist in Toronto and not be a complete jerk? Good luck, because it’s driving me insane. That and the smell of urethane from my new floor.
Broken Social Scene
Come see my new floor. Book a photo shoot with me or David. OR BOTH!
A few Braindroppings to close with.
Sports the Band @ Sneaky Dees
Did you know that switching between different tabs in Firefox or Internet explorer while ALSO chatting with someone on facebook makes it appear to the user that you have signed out of facebook? It does.
A Field and a Factory
I thinks Caps Lock on computers is cyber passive aggressiveness. Example; “HELLO” written in chat lingo.
Robin Hatch - Sports the Band
Thriller isn’t a song. It is a five minute monolog with a song at the end of it.
Wednesday November 19, 2008
Photo from my Chart Magazine Cover Spread back in June
Facebook Exposed! Revealed! Googled and then written about in a blog!
Alright, to be honest I didn't want this entry to start as an expose (someone e-mail me how to do the french accent thing on "expose" without cut and paste). I was walking on a chilly Tuesday Nov night towards my appartment skipping along to Regina Spektor and smiling and I started thinking - and then a weird sensation came over me - I was THINKING. In that brief moment; I didn't have my cell in my ear, my computer in my face, my camera in my face, and my face in a pillow, it allowed me to have a THOUGHT for the first time in two weeks. [This point gets dragged on a bit so stay with me because I ramble on for like three paragraphs before I get to anything interesting about facebook as the catalyst for the NEW WORLD ORDER of MIND CONTROL]
Sabine, taken in my studio
I have been busy. So busy. So busy that I just kept doing and making plans for shoots and editing and e-mailing and uploading/e-mailing and photo shopping and shrinking and sending in different formats, and doing inventory of my equipment, and heating up oatmeal that I forgot about my Blog. [I wish I could add a link here to a version of me singing "forgot about my Blog" as a parody of that Dr. Dre or Eminem song where Dr. Dre keeps singing "And they forgot about Dre" - I clearly do not know the name of this song.] "Forgga aboud Dre?"
Niagara Falls, Ontario
Well I am in Toronto but I WAS in Montreal - and now I am back. I was in Niagara Falls and now I am back. I went to each distinct district of Toronto this week in systematic calculated methodology because I was showing around someone who had never been to Toronto. Never been to Ontario. NEVER BEEN TO NORTH AMERICA. (Except apparently for a quick stay at a information conference in Quebec City). Bonjour et avoir mon amis Sabine! Also sorry I can't write a proper french messege - I can't spell in french as well as I can't spell in English.
Maria Bui, Bicycles Cd Release Party
Phew - That took a while for me to spit out. I was showing my friend Sabine around Toronto and then Montreal. She happened to be in the area. If you read my blog - you will recall she is from IRELAND but originally from Normandy, France. She is working toward her PHD in Optics or something (sorry Sabine). She is building a big camera thingy to scan a retina or something (sorry Sabine, remember I haven't thought in two weeks so my brain is rusty). Sabine is a good friend, and the FIRST of my new Europe friends to visit me in Toronto. I have been busy and didn't update this sucker - so if anyone gives a hot dump about my Toronto life anymore I am sorry I didn't update it in so long. I am really sorry - because I love writing and making grammar mistakes for the some 1000 or so loyal readers I have to this stupid thing every week. Who ARE you?! People keep telling me to put comments - but comments will just tell me that my family and some guy with a website hit generator are reading my blog.
Maylee Sweatshop Hop - Bicycles cd release party
Anyway, I was thinking that I haven't written a blog in a while. Then that got me thinking about updating my facebook with my life information - in blog form. Then that same train of thought got me thinking about Who the Hell Owns Facebook; who the hell has access to my personal relationship e-mails, my social life photos, my personal art, my habits of checking up on certain friends, and probably knows the location I am physically located in at any period of time because whenever I go anywhere I check my facebook? It never occurred to me to ask. I use this free service out of a force of habit. Facebook is free to me, and doesn't ever ask me for money, doesn't ever ask me to subscribe or update to Facebook Pro Edition Quatro 2.5. Facebook is free; but is so massive, so reliable, so HUGE and POPULAR that it has to be run by some major corporation for it to be so efficient.
View from CN Tower
Facebook in fact is indepently owned by one man - Mark Zuckerberg. He was a Harvard student who started facebook as a network between members of Harvard, then it was opened to members of the Ivy League, then All Universities and all schools. Originally when you signed up to facebook you were reconnecting with people from your school. You were reconnecting with people from your Highschool and possibly your university or college or even elementary. Eventually it became so popular that everyone was on it - because everyone has gone to SOME sort of school. Most people you know have had some education. People do not only know people from school, they know them through other people, from social events, from work.
Niagara, Abandoned city centre
Facebook is now very popular. It is very successful for Joe Fuda. I somehow have an extended network of people that is up to 700 people who for the most part I did not seek out and add myself. There are 700 people that have the opportunity to chat, to comment, to view, and passively participate in the activities that I do on facebook. I will tell you this now; I do not know 700 people. If every single person from my facebook was in a room, I might somehow recognize you all but if I am not wearing my prescription glasses then I will say hello to none of you because I am blind.
Paige, Sadie May Crash
If I had 700 friends, how the hell could I ever walk down the street alone? How the hell is my face not FUSED to the phone if I am sustaining 700 individual relationships with people. I have a joke that I repeat a lot - that a REAL friend helps you move a couch. That a REAL friend would be there for you when you move a couch up a flight of stairs into your shitty apartment - when it is raining and his mother's birthday. THAT is a REAL friend.
Jay Ferguson, Sloan
By this definition - I have no friends. NONE. Mike McDougal is my only friend in the world. That isn't obviously the case (but nonetheless Mike, thanks for the moving help back in April.) You are my only friend in this world.
View from Train to Montreal
I go off on tangents - a LOT. Sorry. Facebook is huge, it is popular and somewhere it stores the personal information that you feed into it every day. You provide some database somewhere with all your personal photos, your changing moods, your frequency of checking personal information digitally, your plans for going out on Friday and for those of you who still "poke" - how often you feel the need to POKE someone. I have asked a number of my friends and not ONE person I talk to regularly on facebook knows this. No one has ever brought up this question to me and I never blindly thought to ask.
Back of train Window
This scares me. I don't know anything about a service that occupies and serves a LARGE part of my personal and business day. This is conspiracy theory shit man. You need to Wikipedia Facebook and check out recent news on the subject. There are major Corporation bidding wars going on to own facebook. WHY? People do not want to own a website that connects people for free and runs stupid blinking banners we all ignore. There is no money in that. WHY the FUCK do people want to buy facebook? There are 120 million active users of facebook. ACTIVE users. Major corporations want to buy your bbq notes from last week and some stupid sarcastic comment you made to someone's crappy ibook photo. Just recently facebook staff were told they were allowed to sell off the stock in the company they own. It is valued at $3.75 billion A SHARE. WHY is facebook which makes NO MONEY WORTH 3.75 Billion a share?
Actual Pickled tongue served to me in Montreal restaurant
I want to repeat this. Facebook does not make money. The advertising revenue it makes does not exceed the massive operation costs to keep facebook going. Think about how much the hard-drive space ALONE would cost to maintain that person who is posting photo books of their puppy every 40 seconds and commenting on photos of each of them; commenting on their OWN photo. That isn't a comment - that's a CAPTION or joke in the famous one-liner style of Gary Larson from Farside comics.
Maggie Terrone; one of the most wonderful friends I have
Facebook loses 4 million a year. LOSES. And the shares of the company are valued at 3.75 Billion a share. Your personal information and personal computer habits are what are worth 3.75 Billion to the worldwide market research industry. I had never thought about it before how useful and PROFITABLE it is to know whom I poked, why I poked them, and if someone then commented on my status and checked out my birthday photos BECAUSE I poked them. Your ibook photo is worth 3.75 Billion to whichever willing and able industry body forks over the money to buy it. My photo of me in the coliseum in Rome is worth 3.75 Billion dollars to some investor. Look, I will sell it to you at like HALF of that. Hell, I will retake it with you IN ROME and MARRY you for a couple of thousand bucks!
Puppy in a window
I am not sure what this little manifesto is leading up to; it scares me but also makes me feel very good at posting my photos on facebook because the value of it being up there and visible to the world is simply to me worth all the money someone is willing to pay. The exposure my art gets through digital networking is great. It makes me feel very good. The huge corporation drilling thought holes into my brain – I don’t enjoy that though so much. Actually that terrifies me. The End.
I will own your television thoughts!
Oh, and if you still want me to talk about all the photos I took while I went on this rant - send me an e-mail or book a photoshoot. What kind of friend are you?!!
George Barbier Print - I LOVE this artist