I Live in Ireland

Thursday/Friday July 31st - August1st, 2008

People always say to not burn bridges. But remember in True Lies when they blew up that bridge? They HAD to blow up that bridge TWICE because ... because Jamie Lee Curtis was in it?

Now, the above photo - to be factual was not taken in my last two days at the Radisson but on Saturday at Aughnanure Castle just outside of Galway City. Also, the sleeping dog below- which was probably supposed to show me around the castle because that is what dogs do in Ireland - was taken at Aughnanure castle as well. I felt the picture story of the natives playing soccer with the heads of the enemy would frame an accurate metaphor of how I felt my remaining two days working at that hotel. Oh - and if you are wondering, the photo is NOT a joke but evidently something they did in these parts. I really admire the pained look on the severed head of the invader who incidentally has a unibrow.

I did not take any photos in my last two days at the Radisson. I did however find inside of me a deep sadness for all of human nature and a wave of universal woe while standing staring at a roundabout for 22 hours.

For reasons that are not apparent I got tips. My job was to stand there and tell people, "Can you NOT park here" and they gave me tips. I made on average ten Euros a day in tips. I wish I could have recorded the various surprise tip faces I made, but needless to say they were all variants of shame. I was clearly tipped out of pity which made me feel a little worthless and a lot like a whore.

My last day I was asked if I wanted to pick up some extra hours working as a waiter for a black tie ball they had. I had at this point, been in the wind for 10 hours, not shaven for two days, and looked like I needed all my belongings tied to a stick so it would be easier to toss them in the back of a boxcar on my way to some free moonshine.

To say it was a disaster is not really fair; I did manage to get one of my tables of 10 the drinks they ordered after 45 min of arguing with bar staff and they did manage to shortchange me 20 Euros in the process. I also did get yelled at by two bartenders - one for not having a tray to put drinks on, another in Spanish so I had no idea what her problem was.

It ended on a high note though, with me telling my 3 hour old supervisor off dramatically, and I quote Oscar Wilde here, "Go fuck yourself you awful awful person - I don't even work here!" and then throwing my much admired Radisson Hotel smock which has the hilariously suspect slogan "Let's make it fabulous". I came away with a new point of view and a Radisson Hotel and Spa nametag to pass on to my children.

Wednesday July 30th, 2008

So if I take the Red pill none of this reality will exist? Here - give me a handful.

I worked in a parking lot again today. Someone threw this poor leprechaun on the sidewalk - which is the only Irish culture I ran into today. Bonus - I had to pick it up and throw it out because that is now also my job. It's kind of like a promotion. Somewhere I can hear my mother weeping silently.

This is my view. This is my life. There are rocks all over a black tarp all around those trees but some of the rocks are falling down so you can see the rubber tarp. If you look into those sewer grates you can see lots of cigarette butts. Cigarette butts and few cigars. Not much gum though. I did not see any gum at all. Surprising actually.

And if you look really really really hard - you can see where 10 hours of my life just evaporated into thin air today. Two more days. Perhaps tomorrow I will thrill you all with some photos of the break room. If your reeeeeeeally good!

Tuesday July 29th, 2008

Welcome to the Radisson - would you mind putting this bullet through my brain? Oh - the pool is through the hall here on the right.

So, this week I am working what I used to remember as a JOB. I almost forgot what it was like to do something solely for money and not for the love and passion of it. I am going to be doing some traveling soon and decided I would take a temp job at a hotel for this week and this week only which is called "Race week" here in Galway.

I don't have enough sarcasm to describe my experience at this place. If there is some sort of literary device STRONGER than sarcasm I doubt it would adequately describe how much I loathe this job. My official title "Roundabout Attendant". I gave them my resume, it had an Honors B.S from U of T, extensive work experience at a major capital firm on Bay Street, experience at a software company and teaching experience and also a language school certificate and they said - "This boy sure knows how to tell cab drivers not to park here".

All day - for ten hours today - I stand on a cobblestone circle with five layers of tears over my eyes and tell people they can't park there - which they do anyway. As you can see with the scenic photos I took with my Fuji - this is the most magical place Ireland has to offer. I have forgotten all about the castles, the culture, and the wonderful people and instead I am now drawn to this oasis of art and beauty. Oh, and they give me free sausages and tea if I show up early enough.

The highlight of the day was when I was trying to understand a German guy and a Bee stung me. Well - I THOUGHT it was a bee, but I wasn't sure. I told a coworker that if I start choking on my tongue to call an ambulance and not to tell the reporters my real name because I don't want anyone to know that this is where I died. Oh - if you care, it was not a bee; it was a wasp- because I am alive.

It started to rain towards the end of my shift, but they could have been God's tears, so they gave me an 8 sizes to big yellow coat that would shield me from plutonium if it came down to it. I told them I would rather death than the humiliation of wearing that fucking thing. Perhaps Rene Descartes was talking about working this job when he came up with the idea of separating mind and body. I know that sounds pretentious but I did just spend all day as a pylon.

Monday July 28th, 2008

CRAP! People are actually reading this thing!! EVERYONE IS JUDGING ME!!!

So I had a call from Leon from Disconnect4 Yesterday. Apparently he mentioned my blog on his MySpace. And APPARANTLY people READ his MySpace. People such as a writer for HotPress.com - which is a national Irish music Magazine. They did a little blurb on my blog and put a LINK to my blog. How do I write the sound of my jaw dropping? Just imagine those national geographic photos of people with those heavy lip-discs and you won’t even come close.

Needless to say I had something of a panic. My Blog - which I put up for my friends and whatnot is probably the html programmer’s equivalent of barf. It is quant to say the least and reminds people of the good ol days when we all learned basic html in school and put in a few photos of Nirvana, a dancing baby, and a few mouse roll overs of a spinning skull which shows a photo of another spinning skull but of a different color.

Now if ANYONE from HotPress.com decides they want to READ this blog again may I point out that I am a VERY talented Canadian Photographer who documents Canadian Musicians and has decided to come to Ireland to do the same for Irish bands this summer. If requested I can provide a CV and an e-mail (my e-mail is joemarcfuda@hotmail.com) to the editor with plenty of my new photos which are going on my NEW site which I don't have up yet because my hard-drive crashed right before I left and I had to re-do everything and I am really good and my current site is really bad and everyone likes my photos and I provide a unique product that other photographers don't and I have worked with such people as Leonard Cohen, Arcade Fire, Ben Folds...[paper bag put up to my mouth to prevent stroke].

The photos you see in today's entry are NOT from Toronto. No No No. They were ALL taken yesterday. I am SO prolific that I managed to style, plan, shoot and edit ALL the these various photos yesterday in time for today. THAT is the extent of my dedication!

Now just to sum up. I am also available for weddings, corporate events, live concert photography, Band Bio shots and LOVE to Tour with bands. LOVE IT. I can be reached at joemarcfuda@hotmail.com and my mobile is 0863369476. I LOVE Irish Music and LOVE Hotpress.com and would have said that phrase REGARDLESS of you doing a write-up of my crummy blog.