Fudagraphy Photography Blogography

I Live in Toronto - and it's getting cold!

Friday October 31st, 2008

Paige Boy as Edie sedgwick

I may or may not have 4 hours recorded of me eating fruit in a bathtub...

My life is an Andy Warhol film. I have never gone this long in my LIFE without having a real job - and yet somehow I am still making a decent living. Also - I seem to attract quite the range of misfits since I can now work with people who don't work office jobs. Also - I have LOTS of free time.

Paige Boy from Sadie May Crash

My friend Paige Boy who is in really fun band called "Sadie May Crash" stopped by on two occasions for some photos. One was a fun project where I was shooting her with my old 60s Duaflex and the other - we were trying to emulate a David Bailey type photo of Edie Sedgwick of Andy Warhol fame.

Paige Boy as Edie Sedgwick

Between photo shoots this week I had to battle a bug problem in my apartment. Toronto band "Cuff the Duke" have a song about being sad and lonely living in a Parkdale basement. I live in a Parkdale Basement. I have come to the conclusion that living in a basement apartment is kind of like why all those people in The Matrix were all weird and sketchy and wore all black when you see those shots of them in the real world. Basements are caves. They are holes in the ground. People who used to live in holes in the ground had to beat women over the head to drag them back to their dwellings. This is the only way to score women because otherwise no one is going into your gross cave. There is no natural light in basements. The only things that will grow without natural light are mosses and fungus. Whenever you get pictures in your mind of the garden of Eden I think it is very rare indeed if you think of a rotten piece of maple with a browned over mushroom and a pill bug scuttering in the background. I have a mural of a forest in my kitchen. I stare at this mural longingly and with a determined conviction (and if I get really really really drunk then) right before I pass out I kind of still imagine that I am in a basement apartment in Parkdale with a forest mural.

Enter the Haggis Promo Shoot

Back to what I DID this week - I met up with a great Celtic Rock band called "Enter the Haggis" and we ended up doing photos in some Gerry Garcia look-a-like's vintage store. I am not sure what the concept here was - but I like to call this "Fun with Geography". My new friend Bryan from the band told me my life is kind of like a Douglas Coupland novel - which got me thinking about a new theory...

The Wedding of Tiny and Jonny (she is playing X-Box)

I had an idea recently. An idea I call "A Very Weak Thesis As The History of Civilization As a Sort of Big Crazy Drug Party". I am unsure what to call my stupid little theory in scientific terms; perhaps "A study on The Evolution of the Consciousness of Humans by Comparing Them to Weird Drug Parties"; that isn't too catchy I admit.

The Wedding of Tiny and Jonny

I have been meeting a lot of odd people lately - and me being the sober nerd dork that I am, I have been thinking of certain ideas in relation to these people using them as a sort of metaphor. Thus I will attempt to compare the history of civilization through a series of drug binges.

You see the birth of man was the CHEMICAL YEARS – where all sorts of weird and crazy things happened because of CHEMICALS. Proteins were born when Amino acids were invited to a party by some peptide bonds. What then transgressed was some sort of crazy chemical soup that combined to make life. Stay with me here - evolution bubbled away like an acid nightmare which saw rise to those HUGE and scary dinosaurs and likely an unfound species of purple elephants. People who do such crazy drugs often see their realities kind of implode; a sort of meteor which crashes on the brain and all the purple dinosaurs go away.

Archive Photo: The last Hadassah Bizzare at the Exhibition Grounds

Then the dawn of civilization and Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greek, and Roman Times were the DRUNK YEARS where people drank so much they were all belligerent and built HUGE unsustainable empires; because when you drink a lot you can do ANYTHING and the sun never sets on your empire because you are a drunk and never go to sleep until it rises. Booze had inflated their egos so much they thought they were all Powerful. What were they drunk on? - I have no idea, possible a disgusting chewy stuff they called beer, or maybe their brains had a bizarre ratio of hippocampus to pituitary gland that made them all drunk like - a sort of physiological way of always being kind of drunk all the time.

The last Hadassah Bizzare at the Exhibition Grounds

Then we have the Middle Ages – because what comes after a crazy drinking time – the hangover. You can drink all the water you want, if you go on a bender you will pay the consequences. If you drank a LOT, the next morning you don’t do anything. Have you ever BEEN to Rome - those people were CRAZY drunk to think they could sustain such a huge empire without consequences. You lay around and you complain and you possibly fight with your neighbors (a basis for a feudal system of government such as that found in England and Ireland) because you hate them but don't want to go too far because your lazy. Nothing really substantial is getting done. You get so lazy you decide to kind of lay around the house and allow a new religion called Catholicism to start ruling your life and telling you everything you do is bad - really who are you to complain, you are hung-over. There are all sorts of things you need to do around the house like translate Greek philosophy into the new garbled drunk talk you call German, Italian, French. Hell if you are really lazy maybe you start talking a language that you kind of just threw together called English.

The last Hadassah Bizzare at the Exhibition Grounds

Still talking about the middle ages here - you drank so much that you forget stuff you used to know – you have caused HISTORIAL brain damage. Writing - GONE, indoor plumbing - GONE, art techniques - GONE, arc of the covenant - LOST.

Maylee Todd Dressed as Mermaid - Tranzac Club

Then guess what – a new drug comes along; Opium (don't Wikipedia Opium or my whole terrible thesis falls apart because it was introduced in the Neolithic times). The Opium years open your mind and you have the Renaissance. Having such a fun time makes you remember how much you love to party - you used to go out SO much before Catholicism ruined things! You write, you make art; you do all sorts of fun weird things.

The Machetes at The Bovine Sex Club

Right after that you have the industrial revolution and technological revolution because people start smoking pot and drinking again and doing all the drugs they used to love. This party of debauchery brings us to the "Club 64" that we call - Present times. In present day, all the good old drugs are back. We are doing chemicals and splicing and cutting up DNA, we are going on drinking benders and making HUGE buildings and towers and corporations, and we are smoking the ganja and making weird art. Sadly - we as a species have been partying for far too long. Our little neighbor "THE EARTH" is getting tired of having us eating all his food, stealing his stuff and leaving a mess. So he is turning up the heat (because he controls the thermostat in your duplex existence) to get us to move out. We have been on this bender far too long to not have to deal with the shit we have gotten away with. The party must end – and global warming might be the narc that kills the buzz.

Jen Simpson: The Machetes at The Bovine Sex Club

Now if you were trying to relate the photos to my theory - don't bother. The photos of books and things were from the Hadassah Bizarre. This was a great big garage sale type thing put on by the Jewish Community for the past 50 years which has now seen its final year. In its heyday, they auctioned off luxury cars and had some choice items. Now you can buy Polly Pockets and expired mouthwash samplers for a slightly inflated price.

The Machetes at The Bovine Sex Club

There are wedding photos of Tiny & Jonny I did last Saturday and then photos of my friends "The Machetes" playing at The Bovine. Also, my good friend Ashley who is an amazing photographer was there with her Roller Girl Troupe.

The Gore City Rollers at the Bovine Sex Club

Now, remember when I said my life had turned into an Andy Warhol Film? Well my friends Chris and Sarah wanted some hot couple photos of themselves. What transpired was a weird campy 70's porn style photo shoot (without the porn). They look adorable together - but a friend told me after that they may have broken up since the photo shoot. At least they have the photos!

Chris and Sarah

Chris and Sarah

My high school chum Joel Thompson does very experimental art videos. We had a very interesting conversation on a project he wants to commission me for in December. I won’t go into the details right now but it involves a very complex theory of narration and film in space in time; and possibly me eating fruit in a bathtub (Did I forget to mention that Joel?) In other news Joel now kind of looks like Allan Ginsberg.

Jol Thompson as Allan Ginsberg

As always; the best way to procded is "The Cowboy Way".The Cowboy way: How the East was won

Friday October 24th, 2008

In 2000 years this will be ALL that is left of civilization

Hot Models? Amazing Clothes? Sexy Models? Free shoes. MODELS? Yah, I think I can make it out..."

The world of fashion. The stress and excitement and beauty and glamour of fashion week gave me a nose bleed today. I actually bled blood from my nasal cavity today because of a bunch of skinny bitches in clothing. I was actually SO excited to see good models who; know how to walk in high heels, know how to walk down a runway, have wonderful hair that complimented their dresses, have accessories that went with them, have a stage manager pull it all together with music and video and theatrics, and have people gasp and clap and actually enjoy the excitement of it all. I actually felt all of this and it caused me to have a nose bleed. This is how much a dork I am. I finally take notice in one of the most exciting industries on the planet after it has been SHOVED in my face for my whole life. I used to dismiss it as pretentious garbage and the fact it know excites me probably kills me a little. Check out some more of the fashion photos on this online album I made on facebook.

This last week was overwhelming for me to say the least. It started out quite slow, I bought some ice cream. Then on Tuesday I ate some of the ice cream and edited some photos. Then I went for a nice walk on Wednesday and edited some more photos in the morning.

Seven the Cat, My House

MONDAY: On this day I took some photos of David's cat Seven. She is a cute cat who tries to escape every single day of her existence. I did some other stuff too I think - possibly laundry.

St. Alvia Cartel, The Horseshoe

TUESDAY: This is Saint Alvia Cartel playing at the Horseshoe tavern. I have never heard of them, but man what a show they put on!! Great band. Decent guys too. I took this on the weekend and edited it on Tuesday.

St. Alvia Cartel, The Horseshoe

Wednesday: Below is my friend Sarah Thompson. She is cool and has just cut her hair - so it was a reason to celebrate with photos.

Sarah Thompson

This photo below is ANOTHER Sarah, my friend's girlfriend. She is super cute and super cool. Why are other people's girlfriends always the hottest?!

Sara (I forget her last name but it kind of sounds like Grandfather in Italian)

Now we progress to the exciting photos. Fashion Week kicked in about Wednesday night for me and...I will never be the same. I now hate my entire wardrobe.

Evan Biddell's Runway Show

Prior to the show I frantically pieced together a video that I was supposed to have been working on for weeks (I had no idea how to make a video and it took me this long to properly learn). I handed it in the day before the show and they LOVED IT! I made a little intro video to Evan Biddell’s runway show set to some Woodhands music and it got a really good reception by a bunch of people. People who usually would look at my shoes and remind me that I forgot to remove the Wal-Mart ½ price sticker. I have had people comment on said video. I had a WRITE up on said video in said National Post paper. I have had weird people asking to work on my next video project with me. “Next project? – uhh oh yah, I have a epic three piece baroque chamber drama I am working on. You must be entirely nude, because of course that is how it is done. I can pay you in almonds.”

Dude who didn't win Canadian Idol

Also, I got a call on Thursday morning that I was doing a Cover photoshoot on the SAME day for Chart Magazine. Above is the head of the guy who heads Hedley.

A quick rant here - I love Chart Magazine and all the people who I have worked with at Chart for 10 years (most of them), and the people who work there and for Canadian music. The fact this magazine still exists is a testament to the dedication of the staff for the ONLY Canadian music magazine still on magazine racks. This at a time when even publications like Spin and Rolling Stone Magazine are reporting dramatically decreased revenue because all the advertising money is moving away from magazines into the internet. Also, the music industry as a WHOLE is going through major restructuring because the source of income for the last 100 years has always been record sales and now – people get music for free. The fact Chart is still around, and it is still independently owned and operated in such a turbulent industry is amazing. One more thing to think about - Chart probably has outlived 90% of the bands that they have reported on in the span of their existence. Matt Good, Len, Treble Charger, Death from Above 1979, Controller Controller – all of these were great (maybe no Len), very popular bands which were on the cover of Chart magazine that are no longer in existence. Honestly any publication that thrives on the slim pickings that Toronto consumers offer up should AT LEAST be congratulated – but I have a special debt to Chart magazine because of the opportunities they have given me. 

Evan Biddell

Anyway, I did some snaps of Evan’s show from the front, some photos of Evan backstage doing some interviews, and some photos of models. These girls whom I have photographed and spent ACTUALY physical space with reacted in such a way that when I gave them a friendly hello they looked at me like I just placed my dirty squeegee onto their daddy’s beamer windshield and threw up on their rearview mirror. A couple were very nice and DID acknowledge me so you get to opt out of my curse-witch-baby stew I am brewing on up. The girl below was very nice and actually DID remember me taking photos of her, her name is either Jay or starts with a J...

Hot Girl - Joe's cell is 647 228 8227 - incase you want this photo

I had a thought that crossed my mind - what would happen if a model tripped on the runway. Do they shoot them like horses that break a leg? If anyone knows the answer please msn me.

Thursday night, a designer beside my house was having a party – her gift bag was very useful which had cleaning products from her show’s sponsors that I am now using in my apartment. Gourmet Organic dishwashing liquid – only the most yuppie for this Fuda! Though one lovely lady spilled red wine on my brand new Royal Elastic Sneakers which were really cool and spacey and now have red wine on them. I must now return to wearing 12 year old converse with ninja turtle stickers. Unless I put a LINK to Royal Elastic on my Blog and hope the sponsor will E-mail me some new shoes or coupons or something. (I hope this works!!) Prada.

Evan Biddell runway

All of this intensity!!! – I should probably call my loving mother and tell her I tried my best but could not get hold of the free Gwen Stefani “Lamb” shoes they were giving away at Evan’s party. I hope she likes organic dish washing liquid – I think I have a keychain somewhere maybe she can have. I am such a shitty son.

 

Friday October 17th, 2008

Dave, The Golden Dogs

"Have you heard the word, Joe Fuda is back in town" "Really?! - who is Joe Fuda? Who are you? Get out of my house!"

Holy moly Amigos, it's been a while since I rapped at you. My life has been once greasy Kabbab as of lately. First of all, my computer ran out of disk space so I couldn't update my blog because the computer was too full of data and thus sat on my desk like a child overstuffed on Halloween candy. This is pretty amazing considering I am the most neurotic of people when it comes to my digital work station. I have THREE working computers all networked to one another. One is solely for the internet and downloading, one is a editing and Photoshop suite and the other is my laptop which I use to sit in expensive coffee shops while I view incredibly violent horror movies in full view of children who for some reason drink soy beverages. Also I have three 500 gig hard drives, 2 800 gig hard drives, and about a terabyte worth of external hard drives. They are ALL FULL. ALL OF THEM! AND NOT WITH PORN - mostly not full of porn.

Notwist, Lees Palace

Anyway all this has started a sort of recession microcosm in my room with me thriftily going through my flash cards and begging passers on the street to "Give me Memory! I need more memory!" This in the midst of still shooting everyday. I still shoot events or personal stuff every day - and ALL of that takes memory. So this week became a great purging of accessible data. I like to keep all my data at my fingertips in all sorts of organized folders. When I run out of space - some stuff has to go onto DVD; which is probably never-look-at-again-land. Today I bid a fond farewell to such fond photo projects which are titled on my desktop as follows; Joe_Butt_06, Joe_Butt_Oct_07_MOD, craigslistsell_Nov06, Lovinggirlfriend_2006, lovinggirlfriend_2007, randomgirl_2007, tragicallyhip_2008Tour, shirtwithhole_04, and my favorite file which was taking up disk space on my computer, NewHarddrives_articles_05.

Corn, Caledon

So alas these files are purged and I may now update my blog which daily sees its subscriber number plummet at the realization that it isn't getting updated frequently and possibly never.

I have been shooting concerts a lot lately to get back into the habit of going out in Toronto and networking my work. Not much has changed with my friends in Toronto. I feel like I have been all around the world and returned and found my dearest friends still wearing the same T-shirt with a grease stain they wore back in June - though now it's cold and they should really be wearing a jacket.

Piper, Studio Fudio

Early in the week I photographed a new friend who has the amazing name of "Piper". She is a young singer whose parents own the fantastic Ossington Bar "Repasado" on Ossington. She is 19 and can drink me under the table (mostly because I am watching my money and she gets free drinks but mostly because I am antisocial and drink under tables). I just realized by typing it how sexually suggestive the term "Drinking me under the table" could be if it had nothing to do with drinking...

I also photographed some engagement photos in Caledon on the weekend. Pictured below is my minivan. I thought this image of my van waiting by a field, possibly to pick up children for soccer practice, would be very fitting. Van, Field of Dreams, Caledon

Engagement photos are fun because the bride and groom aren’t all surrounded by the family who stare at and judge them and I get a chance to get to know the couple that I will probably take 1000 photos of and spend 4 intense days of Photoshop removing everything from shaving cuts to leaves and children's toys which get stuck in the train of the wedding dress. Jodi & Kevin, Caledon

I brought my new assistant/soon-to-be-old assistant Lynsie Roberts along with me. She is probably pictured more than anyone else in this blog for the sole reason that I and she are constantly taking photos around one another. I thought she would appreciate the country and getting out of the city with some fresh air for the day. I thought wrong. She hated every fresh air minute of it. At one point she held her Iphone up in the air hoping she would be able to pick up a Wi-Fi single radiated by a nearby cow farm. The only thing she got was a message that she would forward to me for the rest of the day - Joe, the country is boooooooring. Lynsie is the best assistant I ever had, one of the most talented young photographers I know and now she is moving to Oakville to further her photography schooling. I will miss you dearly and truly - you sassy little twerp.Lynsie Roberts, River

One thing I forgot - somehow - is that I hate shooting Toronto concerts. I Love shooting concerts in Toronto, but I am fucking SICK of all the venues. I HATE Lee's Palace. If you don't know Lee's Palace it has the fine distinction of being the kind of venue where you wipe your feet on the way out. It has the WORSE stage height and lighting in the city and all my pictures there are crap. It's great to SEE a band at Lee's Palace but NOT through a camera! I somehow ended up photographing FOUR concerts at Lee's Palace this week. Oh, and if the cheery gentleman who is always there and gives me a hard time when I try and do my job happens to read my blog I have a message for you; you can imagine me whispering this in your ear if you like - you can blow me you miserable brain-dead gasoline huffing old hippy!!

The photo at the top of today's entry is Dave from "The Golden Dogs". They have just gotten back from a year long tour in the states and have never sounded more proficient. Talking to them backstage, they were all exhausted, mostly unshaven and looked a little road weary. It made me wonder how Bob Dylan has pretty much toured and made music for the last 40 years straight and doesn't look like the soggy cigarette butt which has probably been stuck to his Prada boots for the last 4 months.

The Waking Eyes, Toronto

This is a photo of "The Waking Eyes". The Waking Eyes are the first band I was ever paid to do a band photo shoot of. This was SIX years ago and I was shooting for Chart Magazine. They were riding the moderate success of their single from their debut album "Watch your Money". Ironically while I was shooting them someone had broken into my van stealing $15 000 worth of my camera equipment and a personal journal that I had been keeping for three years. In the movie of my life their single "Watch your Money" will be playing with spliced clips of me photographing them and some elderly woman and her midget minions taking a crowbar to my car window and removing my camera gear.

Below is a photo of 70s rock legends "The Wire". They are old, but I enjoyed the show very much. He looks very very bored in this photo.

The Wire, Toronto

Also, my friend Rory is in a new band called "Ministry of the Environment" and I got a chance to photograph his CD release at the Drake beside my house. His concert was the same day as my father's 60th birthday party - but thankfully late in the evening after my father and the rest of my family had all passed out watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond: The Christmas Special".

Rory, Ministry of the Environment

The remaining photos are from NXNE, a festival in Toronto that I photographed shortly before I left for Europe. The below photo is my friend Alex and she is a drummer for the local girl punk band "The Machetes". Her band is amazing and exciting. When I ran into her that night she hadn't eaten in three days because she had forgotten to go shopping and I bought her a potato Roti so she wouldn't pass out.

Alex, The Machetes, NXNE, Toronto

This photo below is of New York DJ, Kid Cudi - it was for NOW magazine but never went to print. I liked this photo - so now I am putting it in my blog.Kid Cudi, The Drake

 

 

Monday October 6th, 2008

Still from Evan Biddell Collection 2009

I love being FUN-Employed!

Holy Mamma Mia! What a BUSY week! I was worried that being gone for three months people had forgot about me. I was all prepared to release a rap album where the feature track was all about how people have forgotten about me, but how I didn't go anywhere, and how everyone is ripping me off now - but I decided not to because I wouldn't really know where to start on how to not make it sound somewhat racist.

Baystreet, Toronto

I moved back in on Tuesday, and the lovely Meghan helped me put my piece of crap apartment back together. Thank you Meghan! I forgot how small my apartment is, how little sunlight it gets, and how it always kinda smells like cat butt. My studio is much improved with the installation of a new hardwood floor. I did a long walk around town, going to China town, and walking down Ossington.

WarChild Busking Fest,Care Failure from Die Mannequin

My first photo gig came on Thursday when I got a message from Chart Magazine to shoot some of the various bands around Toronto for the War child charity. War child is " a non-governmental organization founded by British filmmakers Bill Leeson and David Wilson in 1993, which focuses on providing assistance to children in areas of conflict and post-conflict. Shocked by the plight of children, they decided to use their film and entertainment background to raise money for aid agencies operating in former Yugoslavia." I found it really fun seeing bands like "Our Lady Peace" and "Die Mannequin" rocking acoustics in front of coffee shops while most people around the city were oblivious to the fact that they were watching world class performers playing on milk crates on the street.

The Ghost is Dancing, The Drake

Later Thursday night I ran into Odie from "The Ghost is Dancing" and was invited to shoot them at the Drake hotel beside my house. I have always had a special place in my heart for this gang of misfits since they were my first ever photo I had in Spin Magazine - HALF A PAGE! They have slimmed down in members since I last saw them, but they haven't in energy. The crowd was really drunk and the night was closed with an amazing cover of "Waterfalls" by TLC.

The Ghost is Dancing, The Drake

They get half naked during their sets for some reason. It makes me feel sexier because Odie is one hairy dude and women love him. He is pretty hairy, I am talking Robin Williams arm hairy.

The Ghost is Dancing, The Drake

Friday I photography my first wedding of the fall season. It was a blast because I knew the people getting married from high school and the whole night was basically a high school reunion. All of them except for a few are married with children.

David and Gio Wedding

I explained to them that I was married once when I went by the name Mason Storm. Sadly the corruption of my fellow police officers caused the untimely murder of my wife and son. They shot me as well, and I was in a coma for a very long time, but then I woke up and took revenge on all corruption in the police force and local government. While telling this story someone asked if that was the plot to the Steven Seagal movie "Hard to Kill" and I had to admit that it was definitely NOT stolen from the 1990 action film directed by Bruce Malmuth with a script by Steven McKay - distributed by Warner Bros.

David and Gio Wedding

I am starting to LOVE shooting weddings, especially when I have a relationship to the couple prior to the wedding day. It is kind of a thrill bossing around huge groups of people and taking photos of little kids in grown up clothing. Also, I am basically running around crazy all day with no breaks - so it is a great exercise in endurance and creativity to adapt to any situation. I like free food as well. I have a friend who nicknamed me "Free Fuda".

David and Gio Wedding

The success of wedding photos I am convinced has more to do with the willingness of the wedding party to try different things. The more a couple thinks something is boring or silly, the less likely their photos are going to turn out great. This wedding party was great.

David and Gio Wedding

Saturday was the all night art festival Nuite Blanche and I didn't really see any of it because I wasn't feeling too great. There were more people on the street than New Years Eve and most of them clearly have never been to Queen street before. Right outside my door are various art galleries and interesting store fronts which had HUGE crowds of people who assumed that the displays had something to do with Nuite Blanche. It was wonderful seeing people who usually sit home and watch T.V. on a Saturday night roaming the streets in a drunken stupor; it reminded me of Europe.

Nuite Blanche, Toronto

Sunday, my good friend Alex from One Loose Boot invited me to take some photos during his catalog shoot for Project Runway winner Evan Biddell. Everything was amazing. The models were great, the make-up was great, the hairstylists were great and everyone worked so fast! The day went long, but considering there were so many things going on at once, I was shocked how smoothly everything went.

Still Photo from Evan biddell Collection 2009

Evan is a great guy, and I was really impressed by the variety in his clothing. They offered me a free pair of shoes and asked me what my shoe size was. I answered, "uggh 45 in European" to which Alex said - "you were only in Europe for like a month and you forgot your fucking shoe size?!" In my defense I only buy shoes once every couple of years by which time my feet are so swollen by the terrible shoes that I have to upgrade my size.

Still Photo from Evan biddell Collection 2009

Fudagraphy Blogography Archive

 

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