I Live in Toronto - it's not THAT bad

Monday September 29th, 2008

Lonely Dog, Toronto

Is there a song about Toronto? Did Stomping Tom write one? Maybe the Tragical Hip Wrote one? Well I want to have a song about Toronto as the header to my Toronto Blog! - Joe in conversation to friend about blog

I did not die, I simply returned to Toronto. Some would argue that they are the same thing, and to those people I say what the only words of wisdom (Among MANY words of wisdom offered up and ignored) I recall from my insane high school music teacher, "Nothing is boring - YOU are boring!" I like Toronto.

I was thinking about ending my blog - because though I think my life is fun and exciting, I don't know if it is that way seven days a week. I have come to a compromise in that I will publish a blog now on the Monday of every week with photos from that week. The blog will be a bit longer than past ones but will leave out such exciting days as laundry day, or waiting in line at the motor Vehicle centre day, or passed out on crystal meth day (don't worry mother that day has yet to come - unless you are holding).

Parents Backyard, Caledon

So right now my apartment is still being rented out and I am living at my parent’s house until the 1st of the month. Living at my parents is very nice because I love the country and my parents but when I think about it I am 27 years old and I don't really recall Jim Morrison living with his parents at 27 - you know since he was technically dead at that age. My parents seem to think "Self employed" and "Unemployed" have the same meaning. When I calmly explain to them that I am a fulltime photographer now, they nod their heads in understanding and then send me job postings incase I want to switch around "self employed" to "employing myself". Also, and I love my parents dearly, but I hate their yappy little dog as if it were a rat chewing on my eyeballs as I sleep.

Parents Backyard, Caledon

This week I had the birthdays of three dear friends; Maylee Todd, Jenna Lee Benn, Nicki Iskander. I stayed in Toronto to celebrate the birthdays of these ladies through various sushi lunches, pajama parties and a well meaning text message (sorry Jenna, I suck).

I have a love/hate relationship with my city. Someone once told me that Toronto is too "Vanilla" for them to consider living here. That statement still burns in my head a year later and I would like to say that Toronto is a great city - unless you want nice architecture or like being scared with possibility of a random stabbing - then Toronto is indeed too "Vanilla". I think our music scene is something rare indeed and that we take for granted how amazing it is. Not only do we have amazing local artists, but we are often host to the best of what the world has to offer. Go Toronto!

Joe Jerkoff, Photo by Lynsie Roberts, Toronto

All week people have been messaging me on my crappy phone, "Your back! - Why are you back?" I don't need to go into specifics, but I may have returned in time for the federal election, or I may just have returned for the Tim Horton's coffee, or maybe for the terrible greysoup sky weather Canada is famous for. I'm back in Canada- please don't bring up the fact that I was living in Paris unless you are trying to sleep with me or want me to cry (sometimes they happen at the same time - wink wink).

Grubby Dog, Nicki Iskander's Birthday Party

These photos are from Nicki's birthday party. The party had a theme which was "pajama party" - but I am boring and came in black jeans and a plaid shirt. I missed all my friends and wish the jetlag didn't make me fall asleep in the middle of my friend Mike talking to me. In the background Nicki had a great movie from the 1980's playing called "Breaking" and whoa boy it was bad. It features a cameo from then unknown Jean Claude Van Damme dancing and clapping his hands in the background. Nicki has been taking break dancing lessons and showed off some of her new talents before drinking too much and running to the bathroom to show off some of her OLD talents.

Amy Fournier, Toronto

Ode to Amy: Above is my friend Amy. She loves and reads my blog so I am going to write a little about her. Amy is a poet. Amy makes funny faces and reminds me of Audrey Hepburn. When I met Amy I was trying to sleep with her, but then I found out we had way too much fun together for me to turn her into one of my crazy sexploits. I have photos of Amy with a hockey stick in her underwear that I took for a project in my last year in university. I love Amy. She used to eat tatertots with me on a daily basis but has now become a great veghan cook.

Maylee Todd, Recording Studio, Scarborough

My friend Maylee Todd is recording her Debut album, which is going to be amazing. I spent a day listening and documenting her time in the studio. I keep telling her that I can't wait for the day that she won’t return my phone calls and I get to tell people that I used to be VERY good friends with her and that now she is a bitch and too important to hang out with me. That day has not come, and she is still one of the most caring, talented people I know. She does have a gas problem, and does call me all the time while pooing - but God bless her for making those two things adorable!

Inside of a Piano, Scarborough

Lastly, there are a group of photos from a day of walking around with my buddy Lynsie Roberts. Lynsie is studying to be a photographer, but in my opinion is a better photographer then many people I know who claim to do it for a living. She has a wonderful habit of pretending to be confused and then taking what you said and not only understanding it but surpassing your teachings. I wonder how long I will be teaching her before I am asking her to teach me.... Crystal, Toronto

This lovely creature in the photo above works in a vintage clothing store and if she ever e-mails me I will ask her permission to post the above photo and book a photoshoot with her for her modeling book. I wish I could end this entry on a more interesting note, but I ran out of funny things to say before I ran out of photos. I could tell my joke about the crippled comedian who is depressed because he can't do stand-up - but that joke is tasteless.

Lynsie Roberts, Toronto